first flash of eden

i do this everytime success doesn't come easily. i start thinking "well, maybe i'm just not cut out for this". Why am i so scared of failure? and it's not even failure, because i've failed before, in fact, i fail alot, and i seem to deal with it well enough, except for that feeling of not wanting to do it anymore. so often i find myself not doing alot of things just because i don't think i can do it really, really well. and that is so absurd really, since i know there's always gonna be someone who can do everything better than i can. i shy away from doing so many things because i'm afraid that i won't be the best, so in effect, i end up looking like an underachiever. and sometimes, it's even easier to live as an underachiever than someone who's tried and done their best, and still come up short. it's just so much easier on the ego to say, well, it wasn't my best anyway. i'm not afraind of failure. i'm afraid that my best just isn't good enough. everytime i pick up a pen, or a paint brush, or when i load the film into the camera, or anything at all, there this voice in my head that says "this is it. this is the day they're all gonna find out what a big fake you are."