first flash of eden

this is from an email that tricia*alon sent me. it's funny because i've been saying over and over the past few days, when did we all decide that we have to grow up? but today is the day of my first class for this term, and i just realized that i atleast know where i am now, which is trying to finish school. and sure, it may be taking alot longer than it would most people, but atleast i know where i am and what i'm supposed to be doing tomorrow. and where will i be one year from now? hopefully going to class on the first day of my last term in school. so it may not be an ideal situation, but atleast i know where i am, where i SHOULD be going. so maybe i shouldn't be thinking about what happens after school. i'll just worry about that later. right now all i should be worrying about is getting to class on time.

Being Twenty-Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and startrealizing that there are many things about yourselfthat you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder whereyou will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.You start realizing that people are selfish andthat, maybe, those friends that you thought youwere close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have losttouch with are some of the most important ones.What you don't recognize is that they are realizingthat too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean orinsincere but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even closeto what you thought you would be doing, or maybeyou are looking for a job and realizing that you aregoing to have to start at the bottom, and that scares you.Your opinions have gotten stronger. You seewhat others are doing and find yourself judgingmore than usual because suddenly you realizethat you have certain boundaries in your life andare constantly adding things to your list of what isacceptable and what isn't. One minute, you areinsecure and then the next, secure.You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared andconfused. Suddenly, change is the enemy andyou try and cling on to the past with dear life, butsoon realize that the past is drifting further andfurther away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.You get your heart broken and wonder howsomeone you loved could do such damage to you.Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get toknow better. Or maybe you love someone but lovesomeone else too and cannot figure out why youare doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.One-night-stands and random hook-ups start tolook cheap. Getting wasted and acting like anidiot starts to look pathetic. You go through thesame emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topicsbecause you cannot seem to make a decision.You worry about loans, money, the future andmaking a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to bea contender!What you may not realize is that everyonereading this relates to it. We are in our best oftimes and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.